by devnym






Why do we have sex? To get something, whether it’s to get attention, to get off, to get even and on that rare occasion, to get a baby. You know, human things…

After years and years of mixed messages from the media, women are still trying to figure out exactly what it is they want to get out of sex.  But why this idea that we need to get something at all, rather than just pure enjoyment?

Guys can seem to do that just fine.  Is it possible for a woman to only have sex because she enjoys it?  When you think of a woman that is “sexual,” one of two images pop up: either a glamorous vixen reclining on a bed with her silk dress hugging her curves and her blonde hair perfectly done or an oversexed, trashy, cheaply-clad young and reckless girl.

Why such different images of a woman when given the same “characteristics”? One is iconocized as a sex symbol, while another is punished for being “too” sexually experienced.

These mixed messages are seriously affecting our sex lives. Society doesn’t encourage women to be assertive and direct in their sexual needs so sex can take a manipulative and promiscuous style. I have girlfriends that are in their twenties, have had several partners and still have no idea what an orgasm feels like. They don’t speak up in order to make the experience more pleasurable and thus continue the boring old cycle. The notion that guys enjoy sex more than girls is confirmed over and over. Women are made to think they have to be submissive when it comes to sex, rather than actually have a desire for it. If a woman does not see herself as being sexual, she is not likely to feel comfortable having sexual thoughts and fantasies. Men’s moms, their creators, couldn’t possibility have been freaks in the bedroom.

Here is when the manipulating and games come in to play. But really we’re not even she-devils that like to torment guys and their blue balls.  We’ve just adopted the idea that we can’t purely crave sex and therefore we must get something else out of this process.

We wield sex as a weapon. We’re doing a favor, but we make sure to make it known that this favor will sure as hell be repaid. Oh we would never say that you better take me out if I blow you, we do it in a more passive/aggressive manner that constantly keeps them on their toes. Haven’t gone out to dinner in awhile? Haven’t gotten flowers or a back rub in some time? Well then we start feeling used and once that happens the well dries up. Yup, as simple as that.

No more.

It’s funny too because my boyfriend knows damn well that I enjoy sex but he buys the “I’m not in the mood” routine hook, line and sinker. And we continue to play this game because we can’t get over the fact that we are only having sex to have sex. That’s what sluts do and I’m not nearly a slut.

A notion that began in order to de-power women ironically gives them an upper hand in a relationship. Or as a desperate attempt for control.  Women are assumed to depend on men for shelter, money and status but sex makes men have to depend on women for satisfaction or risk their sanity. The same is true for women not in relationships. It’s true that a woman in her 20’s and 30’s who hasn’t met the right guy is going to get well into the double digits. We’re not in high school anymore where you date someone for five months before seeing any below the belt action. As skill levels increase so does our pace. And then you get to know the person and things don’t work out, then on to the next. But what does all this sex do to a woman. How does she justify falling into bed? She gets the glory of a sex kitten, teasing guys until they have to have her. It’s empowering to feel so desired, yet ironically they’re depending on the guy to feel this way.


We’re a country that uses sex to sell practically anything yet we can’t get to seem to get over the fact that we have it, let alone enjoy it. Women are made to procreate, and doing so requires having sex.  We’re meant to be sexual beings.  So stop worrying about what’s right or wrong… listening to people how to have sex and just stop being afraid to have it. The enjoying it part will come along with the help of a patient boyfriend or battery-operated device.

Point is we shouldn’t feel like we’re compromising something (giving up something) by having sex.


We can play the game that sex is a reward because the notion has been ingrained that women don’t like sex as much. I would never make the first move. I like sex too much to give in to the stereotype.

Sexual pleasure derives from the way we feel about the way we look. It’s pretty funny that we can fake an orgasm, and we only know the truth.

And if we have been taught to be emotional and sensitive how can we remain so detached when it comes to sex?

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